Cause Without You, There Is No Me.

*Typing on my phone, need to vent. Laptop charger os broke*

How does it feel to have a best friend by your side? Not just any friend but the one that is always honest and trustworthy to you. The one that actually gives all flying fucks towards you. The pne that makes you smile and feel wanted. Love.

We have that friend.

She would talk me out of self harming or hurting myself. Talk me out of suicide, telling me to stay strong. She always believe in me unlike others.

But what does one do when she's send away? Your best friend, gone. She tells me 3 days back that her parents plan to send her to the mental hospital.

Not therapy but a fucking mental hospital.
I laugh cause shes gone now. Not telling anyone how lng she'll be away. I dont even get a call.
I laugh cause she blames me for it a little, it hurts to know I put my best friend there.
I laugh at the fear of her being gone too long.
I cry cause the scary part is that I need her.
I broke twice this week on my arm and thighs. Cuts mark me more. Im breaking, screaming, crying for help but really the only noise I make are my sobes during the meeting of my blade and wrist. I used to stay in the wrist area but they travel up more on my arm.

Since my laptop is fucked, I cant type my fan fics to escape. Music help but half the song on here remind us of how we both have the same music taste.

Waking up the next day not seeing her in school. At home. For 3 days...And I know. I know if I dont see her in the halls this whole week, im going to give up on myself. Im weak to the point when its insane for me and my head.

Im being "over dramatic", sure, whatever. But she has helped me through so much.

and now she's gone

I can vist her right? If only I knew where she was.

Call her? Her phone is broke.

Get the address from her parents? Her parents strongly dislike me.

Right now tbh, this week has been hell for me abd I have the balls to swipe a smile on. Im crying in my bed, wanting her to come home soon.

Music help me cause I cant do this staying strong bullshit.

My online friends(here, tumblr, twitter) are really all the friends I have along with 2 others that live here by my side. It was 3 but shes gone.

She needs the help but I need her. She was the first best friend to tell me I'm worth it, that I'm beautiful, and wanted...but that would be selfish of me.

I hope she gets better. I hope to get a call soon. I even hope for her stay to be long.

Babe get better. These tears and heart pain is for you. Come home soon, causr I need my best friend to keep me breathing.