Sucky Saturday

I really don't know how to say this,
but I miss him.
A lot more than I should, he used to be my best friend, and now we have nothing. This might just be the fact that he used to sing Paradise to me all the time and I'm torturing myself with the song at the moment, but I want that back. We dated for the longest time, and we were really close. I don't want the relationship back as much as I used to, in fact, I don't want it back at all.
If only we could just talk some more, I screwed things up terribly, even though he cheated on me. I wanted him back to badly I almost begged. In fact, I did. I just want that friendship back, I just want one less person to hate me. My mom's friend is over for the weekend (his son is also here). I really don't want to start busting out in tears. I'm trying my best to not do it, but it's getting harder and harder.
I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm having major life issues at the moment.
Not the mention the fact of what's happening (and I mean happening, not just me ...in my mind wanting something)
Para~
Para~
Paradise~
//I'm even starting to sing it.
I really do miss him. I don't know how to put it any other way.
If only you could see this, David Asher.
If only you saw this, and didn't judge me for bringing it back up again.