Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

*I don't know how these things work.
I've never done a blog before, but I'm assuming its like a modern day diary? Either way I just need a place to vent. Even if no one reads this, I just need to get my feelings out there.*

Things have just become so weird lately. I feel like nothing in my life is going the way I planned. Everyone and everything has just been falling apart in front of me.

If someone had asked me 6 months ago what my life would be like today I probably would have said "being happy with my boyfriend,having great friends, getting great grades in school, and not crying at all."

Sad to say none of those things are true.
-My 'ex' boyfriend, of a year and a half, broke up about 2 months ago. I didn't think it would upset me this much but it really has impacted my life greatly.Especially since he got a new girlfriend a month after we broke up. It really made me feel useless, and easily replaceable. I know that it's just a break up, and I shouldn't get all bent out of shape about it but it really sucks because he blames our break up. I hate having the guilt of knowing I'm pretty much the reason we broke up, and I'm pretty much the reason why I lost the greatest thing I ever had in my life. I hate having to live knowing that I hurt someone I cared so deeply for for such a long time, and now he wants nothing to do with me. It's kind of hard to go from talking to, and being with,someone almost everyday for 18 months, to them wanting nothing to do with you.

-Next my "great" friends. Well ever since all my friends got boyfriends they all spend all their time hanging out with their boyfriends. Normally I used to hang out with my friends and their boyfriends, but then I just became an awkward attachment to the group, and I started to really hate my friends boyfriends. My friends never return my calls anymore,never hang out with me without their boyfriends, and sometimes aren't there for me when I need them (which is part of the reason I'm on here, because no one will give me the time of day to vent). I am trying to make new friends at school, and don't get me wrong I've met new people, but it's hard to get on that same level of good friendship that I had with my current "best friends".

-School: I'm a freshman in college, and all of this is such a new experience for me. Even though I didn't go away to school. The whole idea of having to pretty much start over, and be independent is kind of scary. I think that college will be a better experience for me then high school because I actually started getting involved in clubs, so hopefully it'll make this whole college thing easier.

-And finally the crying. I feel like every other day I'm ether crying because of my friends, my ex, or this other guy who I really care about and is playing me(he's a big one). I've had feelings for this kid for like 3 years, and he pretty much admits to playing me, but for some reason I can't shake him from my mind. I will always have feelings for him, and I just wish he would love me the same way I love him, but that's way too much to ask. I need to get my head together and stand up for myself, but it's just so hard when I care so much about him.

I guess I just need to really figure my shit out. I just wish sometimes I had someone to kind of walk me through it, and at least help me. I don't think anyone will read this, and if you did read it thanks for making it to the bottom with out thinking I'm a complete whiny bitch.
thank you=)