Mocking Monday

Just when I thought I had everything figured out,
I realize I'm only making things harder on myself.
I really need to go back to being me. The one who doesn't care about your opinions, the one who would openly make fun of Amanda Todd and not think anything of it (the only example I could think of in less than four seconds.) I mean, I used to be mean to everyone, and not care what people thought, not care about anyone. Maybe I should go back to being like that, and show no emotion any more. I just want to stop being hurt, and stop hurting people.
I mean, of course, if I go back like that I'll go back to having no friends, which is going to happen anyway.
I made a mistake on Friday, a very large one. I realized it, tried to fix it. Results: pending.
I used to wish people could help me, now I only wish for people who can fix me. Maybe I can't help it. Maybe it's just this stupid and simple.

If I hate myself,
Why can't everyone else?

As the title says, it's like life is mocking me. It's taunting. It might not be the best wording, but it's true. I really just want things to go smoothly. I've done nothing wrong, I mean, that I know of.