Losing myself.

Lately I've been thinking alot about life. And how you only live once. I'm so scared to die when my time comes. The world is so exciting, and new discoveries are being made each day. Honestly I'm hoping by the time it's time for me to die, that there is a way for people to live forever, or to restart a part of their lives. It's not fair. People all deserve a full life, of good health. No one should have to die because of diseases, or health issues or crime or murder, or suicide. My sister, has type 1 diabetes, she's had it since she was 14 months old. Her life consists of 3 - 4 needles a day, depending on her numbers, and blood glucose levels. She's fourteen now. She can't eat whatever food she wants, whenever like I can. To see, your sister, live through that shit, is horrible. I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity. Because I know, there way worse shit than this. I feel like I should be doing something more, than sitting here wasting my life away. But I'm scared. I'm scared to grow up. I now know why Peter Pan always wanted to stay a child, you didn't have to deal with all of this shit. All of this drama in high school, relationships, friends, death, family, whatever. You can only take it for so long. I've been to therapy, and fucking conselling. All it does is dig you into a deeper fucking hole that you cannot control whatsoever. It just showed me how fucked up I actually was. I'm shy, and socially awkward. Yet loud, and unbearble. I just wish people would see me for me, and not some scared girl of sixteen who doesn't know who the fuck she is. Because as of now. I have no idea, who the hell I am. I've lost myself in my own journey to find myself.