17 months...

Him and I are finally walking around with the label and everything after a couple, maybe even almost three, years and it feels great to tell people he is my boyfriend. I feel like newlyweds who walk around using the word husband and wife as if they just won the lottery.
Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same way and hates all the attention. I understand that part too though because I do not like a lot of attention either. It is starting to feel weird though. I feel like something is off between us now just because I call him my boyfriend. I figured everything would stay the same, but I feel like he feels more pressure to change. I just want everything to stay the same and I am hoping that I am now working on not suffocating him with the fact that I love him, it will go back to normal.
When I start chemo and stuff brain bleeds and strokes and severe naseau and even death are possible symptoms. I am so scared that I am going to be stuck in a wheelchair, half way asleep, after having a horrible stroke or something. I told him I was afraid this would happen and he said that he couldn't just stop being by my side if something like that happens. I kind of laughed it off in the yeah, I am being ridiculous way sorry, way. He then said something such as and we can't think of this now, we will just have to wait until it comes down to it. He also asked me if we would still love each other if it came down to that and I said I would. I meant it. If he was laying in a bed in a coma, I would make the drive to sit by his bed and talk to him as if he could hear me and play new songs that I love or songs that I think he would love.
I just hope he can do that for me too if it comes down to that. At the same time, I can't expect him to. I can expect him to visit once in a while if it gets bad, as a friend, but I can't expect him to try and make it atleast once every two weeks or maybe even once a week if it gets really really bad.
I am really doing my best to stay positive and am hoping and praying it won't come down to this, but am trying to prepare myself for both sides. For all I know, God's plan could be to take me in a few months.
I am just worried and want to get this show on the road already. I am sure when it starts though I will be so ready for the ending number.

Smile and sleep wonderfully.