Stubborn Dads

So, I need to figure out how I can get my dads attention without offending him or "hurting" his man pride.

Ever since my parents divorced, my dad has really changed. He used to be very organized and very strict about things, but now he's not as organized and he's more laid back. Also, I was raised a vegetarian by both of my parents and my dad was very strict about eating out vegetables. Now he eats hardcore meat and rarely has vegetables. And when he does, they're in a CAN!! A freaking can!! Certain things that come out of a can are not very healthy and he knows that.

Money has been pretty tight on my mom's half, but when it comes to my dad, I'm not quite sure because he doesn't really share things like that with us. He doesn't necessarily have to share it with all the kids, but being that I'm his oldest child, I think it would be really nice if he would let me know how much money he has or what he can and can't afford so that I don't get upset because he doesn't buy the food I ask him to.

When he was young he didn't have a very fulfilling lifestyle and he never really got to finish high school because he was always helping out at home, so when we confront him about something that is honest-to-God not fair, his reply is, "Well that's life. That's just how it is."

He works pretty much 6 to 9 hours a day, so when he gets home, he's pretty tired and all he wants to do is sit back and watch t.v. I try to talk to him, but he just doesn't really listen. By the expression on his face, it really makes me feel that he's just not listening to what I'm saying. He's hearing me, but he's not taking what I'm saying into consideration.

I have expressed what I would like to happen at his house and it's nothing unreasonable. We just really need family counseling.

I also talked to him about how I would like to have a father daughter date and he said, "I can't Jovine, because if I have a day with just you, then I'll have to do that with your other siblings as well, and I can't do that." I was like, "Dad, you spend alone time with LC (my little brother) all the time. When you take him to his hockey practices, that's alone time too."

My mom said that we should go to his practices with my dad, that way, he knows that he can't buy things just for my brother. He has to buy them for us as well, or he doesn't buy anything at all.

Anyway, I tried explaining to my dad that that is not how life is. Life is what you make it. There comes a time that a child is going to want to spend some alone time with their parents. He told me that if I want to spend time with him, then I can go to his house but I told him. I want ALONE TIME! Not Jade and LC there. Nobody else but my dad and I and I feel that if I don't get that time, then it's going to impact me for the rest of my life.

I just don't feel like I'm getting enough of my father in my life. I don't like going to his house because it's not the house we are all together in, but I'm working on accepting that and it's so hard. I don't want it to be, but that's how I feel. I want to have a good relationship with him, and it seems like we do, but I honestly don't think we do. He doesn't really care if I come to his house or not. We had a family meeting and he said that he wants me to come over, but I just don't feel wanted. I know he said that, but he doesn't call me...ever. The only thing he really calls me about is my little brother. He'll call and start the conversation asking me about school, but then the conversation takes a turn and he asks about my little brother and I have to make sure that he's ready for practice. Most of the time, he doesn't even ask how my day was.

With everything that's going on in my family, I have so many overwhelming emotions that I don't even know how I feel and it's so hard.

I had a therapist because I would have panic attacks because of all the stress I'm going through and the attacks are really scary too. I would like to have a therapist again, but my mom is having a hard time with money right now and I know that my dad probably wouldn't pay for it because he's paying for my little brother's sports.

Life is just so stressful. Most of the time I wish I could just sleep my problems away. And one more thing. I love to hug and give kisses and my dad doesn't mind that, but I also like to lay down in bed and just enjoy the comfort of my father. My mom lets me sleep with her, but my dad has a huge issue with that and his only reason is that it hurts his back. And he doesn't like it when we go into his room. To me and my other siblings, the parents room is where it's at. It's where we all get together and chill with the authority. And while my dad is gone, I like to lay on his bed and hang out in his room because I feel lonely and I miss him. I know that when I get older that I'm not going to be able to hang out with him like that, so I want to spend as much time with him as I can. Sometimes it's just really confusing and hard to understand how I feel about things, so I'm not sure if I should suck it up or stand and push for what I believe in.