The Wheel Turns, Nothing is Ever New

Good god.

So I got an email today. From Mibba. MIBBA.

If you're reading this now, chances are you have no idea who I am, or who I used to be. I used to be a devoted fangirl, a hyperactive and shallow little thing, writing what I thought was incredible stories, thinking my entire world revolved around My Chemical Romance and everything else could "go fuck itself".

(If you have a look at the other blog entries, poems, comments and stories, you'll see what I mean.)

I haven't been on Mibba for a good five years, forgetting it even existed. Now, I've been brought back to this world that holds all these little traces of me from five years ago. I had only just become a teenager, and I thought I was an adult. Now that I've only just become an adult, I'm wishing I was that teenager again. I've gone through so many ups and downs, achieved things I never thought possible, and had some experiences I'm still longing to forget, but I wouldn't change any of it.

I'm remembering a time when Mibba was very different- a haven for My Chemical Romance fans, and a hub of "emo" teenagers, a group of which were my friends- both from school, and people I'd never met before. It was a huge time of change for me- coming out of a primary school and a world where I'd been bullied and tormented for doing what I loved, discovering this new band and completely changing my attitude. I went into a world where people shared my interests, people knew my name and wanted to be my friend. My image had a complete overhaul, colours traded for blacks and studs, and my long hair chopped to my chin. A time when I was just beginning the 6-year journey through high school... and now I have one more exam before I bid goodbye to that school forever and step into a huge, tough and brave new world with only my dreams to light the misty path.

It's hard to describe, this nostalgia, so I'll spare you my struggle for the words. Looking back on when I was so young, such a trivial time, it's such a strange feeling. But it has done one thing for me: I think I've gotten a bit of closure. A moment to reflect on something I've been avoiding and feeling things that might be painful, allowing myself to sink into a place I'd love to return to, but know that I never can.

I've decided to keep these past writings as a record, so that I never lose that part of myself, that little fiery, immature brat that I used to call me. A gift of warmth and remembrance from my 13-year-old self to her now 18-year-old alter-ego.

Please, if you're reading this, don't ever forget who you are. Don't let your younger self slip away as you grow- it was that younger self that shaped who you are now, without them, you'd be lost.

-Trinity (Still Trinity.)