Some random funny things I said to people on Skype and MSN

Sometimes I say things that I think seem witty or sum up past events perfectly. Here are a few of them I pulled from Skype and MSN conversations that I figured are worth holding onto.

"Life is like a box of lemons, I have no idea why I would need that many lemons, but I'm sure I will find a way to make them explode later."

"When I was young I was a far more amazing cook then I am now, back then it only took me three hours to realize if I poisoned myself."

"When I was a kid I always imagined growing up to be a super hero, I got the funny clothes right at least."

"I sometimes wonder if realitiy is a illusion, that the worlds I tend to imagine in my head are more real then whats going on around me. I then start to think I can fly: So far no broken bones."

"When the nights are warm, and the stars are shining across the sky, constalations dancing through the heavens, I start to wonder if laying on a pillow of poison ivy was such a smart idea"

"Four-wheeling was a common entertainment where I grew up, racing with freinds was pretty much all you could do before we got past dial up got fancy HD tv's, I thought four-wheeling was the best rush, the speed, the excitment, the broken breaks."

"Many little kids growing up when I did loved wearing stuff based on their favorate tv hero's, Ninja Turtals, Batman, even some Micky Mouse kids and Goofy thrown in. Me? Genghis Khan."

"Sometimes I feel like the achievement thing is going overboard, I mean in quite a few games I could get an achievement for dying to much. Then I realize the gaming industry is prepping us, yes they went to the future and saw the king of Neptune who was getting a achievement for punching dolphins in the face. Yes my friends they are preparing us for the day e-penis becomes holo-penis for on that day, none of us will be prepared to get an achievement for punching a dolphin in the face for a gold trophy unless we are properly pampered in advance...I forgot what I was talking about."

"When I die remember to go back in time and remind me that I should work on that immortality formula."

"Bisexuality is like being agnostic, except with less humping."

"It was once said that all men are created equal, if that's true why am I so short."

"Reality Television always seemed horrible to me, there's always the jerk, the jock, the nerd, the girly girl, and some random person who seems to think some obscure form of segregation has been destroying the world and all them whining about half thought out plans or comments they figured would sound smart. If I wanted to see that, I would watch anime more often."

"When I was two I tripped and murdered a lady bug, I tried to turn myself in to the cops but they didn't seem to believe me."

"I think, therefor I am immortal...is it working yet? Crap I aged a few seconds."