Dear You...

Is it sad that the tears that are caught in my throat won't ever make it out? Does it hurt you to know how far I've fallen back into the same slump that I've been so helplessly in love with in the past? Is it painful to know that in my head I'm screaming for someone to save me, but I know in the pit of my stomach you'll continue to tell me how much emotions my eyes hold and that I'll never be able to hide these times, but I am right now. They look happy, full of life and love, wanting and exploration but whats behind them just might scare you.

Do you think you could handle that? Could you really take all of the pain and sleepless nights wondering if the new cut on my body was an accident? Could you look me in the eyes and tell me that you loved me knowing that I wanted to die in your arms as we slept, huddled under blankets and satin sheets? Do you really think that loving me could be as easy as it seems, when in reality, you only get whats on the surface?

Underneath all of the smiles and laughs and hugs and giggles and kisses, there lies a monster, waiting to get me alone at a time like this, when you're away and I'm left to my own devices and food doesn't pass my lips and the razor cuts into my porcelain flesh. Can you handle that, or will you leave just as the rest have?

I know in the end I'll be dead and you'll be gone. The ghost of a memory of shell of a girl that you once loved.
November 1st, 2012 at 11:37pm