Fears

So I was working on writing my college essay today, and I wrote about overcoming one of my fears, and that got me thinking about my other fears. One of the things I absolutely hate about myself is that I'm not outgoing. I wish I was one of those people who didn't care what others thought about me, but I am. There are people in my school that I really wish I could be friends with. I wish I could just walk up to them or tweet at them and be like, "Hey, can we please be friends because you're awesome." I can't, and it kills me inside. One of my favorite quotes says, "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." It kills me that it means that my fear really is more important than my desire to be friends with these people. I ask myself the question of whether or not I would do it if it was my last day on Earth, and my answer is "Yes" every time. But then somewhere in the back of my mind I "know" that's it's not my last day. My whole life I've waited for people to start a conversation with me so that I never had to put myself out there when it came to making friends, which is why 99% of my friends are loud and sociable. I hate it. I hate it so much it feels like someone is tearing my heart apart inside of my chest. And I'm helpless.