A bittersweet Friday. Mostly bitter.

This is a personal rant. So if you don't want to read, I understand. I just have to get this off my chest here, because I can't on Tumblr.

Yesterday (Friday) was the big rivalry game for my high school. It was supposed to be a great game, full of fun and reuniting with old friends from the rival school, as well. Of course it's not.

Ian, my boyfriend, and I have been a little rocky. I think it's because I'm just stressed out and I hate when people tell me to relax when I truly can't. Ian is pretty laid back, and I'm high strung. We usually balance each other out... but not this time. Thursday we argued and I basically told him to quit telling me to relax because he doesn't know what it's like being a senior and how stressful it can be. But I apologized and we made up and blah blah blah. So I thought it was a little better. I was still stressed out, but I didn't want to ruin my last high school football game ever.

Fast forward to about 6:00 pm and I'm with Ian and all our friends. We are at the rival school, because it's their turn to host it. He decides that somehow I've done something wrong, something I always do. I hugged my friend Ryan. Someone I've known forever. He's apart of this thing we have called the UDP, which is just our "male cheer team" that don't wear shirts and are just goofy. Ian doesn't like this, though I've done this so many times. And, I don't care when he hugs girls. So why exactly was this one time a problem? Gah.

Now fast forward to the game. We're at about halftime. And I went to the concessions stand with Ian and Anna, my best friend. He has his arm wrapped around my shoulders and when I can't decide what to drink, he gets all pissed and just shoves his wallet in my hand and says, "Just choose fucking whatever, Jazmyne. I could care fucking less." I can tell he's genuinely angry because he said my name. And then he just goes to his car. And I know by then he's just going to smoke and clear his head. I can't even, really. I don't understand what is going through his mind. And why I'm upsetting him.

And it's not even finished yet.

Ian is with one of his guy friends. And guess who decides to come to the game, oh so fashionably late? Dear old Levi (if you have read my past blogs, you would know this lovely character) shows up to the game. Now, I've done my absolute hardest to get him to stay away. He was a bad breakup, he hurts me constantly, and he knows that I care about him and he can basically get me to do anything. He pokes my shoulder and when I turn around it's like the world stood still. He's all cocky and smiling at me and he knows he took me by surprise. I can't even remember what I said for a while, or what he said, it's just... time stood still. He hugs me and says how much he's missed me. Says how we should hang out soon. And me, being stupid, just simply agree. I have this tendency of agreeing when I'm nervous. I was extremely nervous. We began talking, and then he asked if I liked to walk around and catch up.

Really. This night just couldn't get any fucking better. Sense the sarcasm here.

It actually was nice to catch up with Levi, I have to admit. He was my best friend, and I told him about everything going on in my life and it felt like the good days again. Before feelings changed and before people changed and before everything was just not right for a long time.

Ian sees me. Sees him. And the next thing I know, I'm being screamed at. Right in front of Levi. Right in front of strangers. Right in front of classmates. Screamed at.

Now, I'm not one to really fight, but when I'm yelled at for doing something that isn't wrong at all, I will stand up for myself. So I do.

And now, Levi is defending me, and Ian fucking punches him in the face.

They start fighting, and I don't even know what to do anymore. Police break them up. They're allowed to stay at the game, and Ian drags me to the car with him.

He's already high, and I am slowly coming down from my own. And he's just smoking his cigarette and staring at me.

Then he tells me I need to try getting a ride with someone else. That our plans for after the game are cancelled, and that he'll call me when he feels like it.

I'm already crying. And he just tells me to get out his car, and so I do. And I find Anna. She and I go to a party after the game, and I see Ian. So I just avoid him the entire night. But I know he's watching me. The whole situation is tense. Because of course, with the gossip machine my school is, everyone knows what happened. It's honestly embarrassing.

After the party, I just go home with Anna and I wait on a text from Ian. Nothing. Levi texted me saying he was sorry about what happened, and when I wanna talk to him, to just call. I say thanks, that's it.

But now, it's about 5:00 pm Saturday, and Ian still hasn't called me. I talked to Reuben, his best friend, and he didn't even know what's going on.

I don't know what to do. So I'm just trying to get my mind off it. But I can't help it because I didn't mean to make Ian so upset with me, and I didn't want them to fight and for fucks sake I didn't want to even see Levi yesterday.

I really care about Ian and now I think I've ruined it for good.

So.

Yeah.

Boys are dumb.