Hard Decision

So, basically, life sucks.

I am never going to recover. Not at home at least.

I never feel safe or loved here. My mother has made it her goal in life to make me feel like a piece of shit, and lucky for her, she's succeeded.

I'm sorry if I sound over dramatic. Honestly though, how would you feel if your mother was always telling you how much she didn't want to see you, and how she was tired of you, and if she chose to go on an optional meeting instead of be there on your sixteenth birthday? Would you feel loved or important? Probably not.

I don't really care that she won't be here. Honestly, I don't. My best friend and surrogate mother have arranged for me to have a great fucking day with them, and I'm excited for it because I love them and I know they love me. But seriously.

And due to all the negative energy and all the hate I feel radiating for me, recovery has been non-existent. I haven't gone a day without purging the last 8 days, and I'm so depressed that cutting keeps seeming like the only other way out-- especially if I haven't consumed any food to purge up. And because of the fact that I'm supposed to be seeing a counselor because I am so depressed and have bulimia, and I haven't been seeing one in about 3 months, I've had no one to talk to. No one knows my whole story, not even you Mibbians (even though I tell you guys pretty much everything). But because things have been so awful at home, I've decided it would be in the best interest of my recovery to find an inpatient home.

I honestly can't stand things at home. Being home makes me feel worthless and hopeless, and I want to feel better.

So, Mibba.

Have any of you ever been to rehab?

If so, what was it like? Please let me know, as this decision has not been an easy one to make, and I'm a little worried for how it might turn out.

Thanks you guys!

xoxo
Oli