Love is just so complicated sometimes.

He’ll just never know. He’ll never know how his blue eyes pierced through my soul and grasped on as tight as they could. He’ll never know how I fell for his laugh and the way his voice cracks. Or the way he purses his lips when he’s angry and the ridiculous sounds that come out of his mouth at the most inconvenient times. He’ll never know that the sound of his name unleashed a cage of butterflies in my stomach and seeing his face made my day instantly better. He’ll never know that all the times I giggled were because everything he did was perfect. He’ll never know that all the times I tried to play it cool I was falling apart inside. He’ll never know that he was all I was ever able to think about while I didn't cross his mind once. He’ll never know that the biggest lie of my life was when I smiled and said, yeah we can be friends. He’ll just never know, and I’ll never tell him.

And I just wish he still made me jittery and lent me his flannels. I wish he still made fun of my love for Christmas music and the way I squeak when I laugh. I wish he still picked at the scabs on my knees and tickled my sides. I wish he still beat me in mario kart and told me that my smile was his favorite. I wish he still danced down the aisles of target and sang his best when he thought no one could hear him. I wish he still bragged about his janky phone and took selfies on his webcam. Now he's right in front of me but it seems like miles, and I have fallen in love with the person I thought he was.