i just need to get this out of my head

a couple of months ago i started talking to a guy i met through twitter. he knew a lot of other people there who i also knew. i don't really know how to explain this without giving away who he is. the twitter account i met him through was kinda sorta like a parody account, and he followed me and a big group of the people i knew on twitter because we all got along really well and had the same opinions about stuff. there was a girl who everyone thought would be perfect with him because they joked around and tweeted each other and they had their own little signal for each other, but for some unfathomable reason he got close to me.

i don't think he did it on purpose, though. it just happened. we were kinda sorta friends, and then all of a sudden i can't imagine what i'd be doing without him. he's sweet and funny and he's always there to give me advice and pick me up when i'm down, and a while ago i told him i liked him. like liked him. and at first he said that it was sweet and he was flattered and then a little while later he just.

he said he liked me too.

but there's a couple of problems. one: he lives in london and i live in newcastle. and two: he's nine years older than me.

we're not together or anything like that because i know it's unrealistic and i know it's silly, but he promised me he was always going to be my friend no matter what happened between us. and he's telling the truth. even when we argue - which i wouldn't feel comfortable doing if i didn't know for sure he'd still be my friend afterwards - we stick together, me and him.

last weekend i was in london to see muse live (best gig of my life, if you're interested) and there was one moment waiting in king's cross station to go home when we were literally about two minutes away from each other. i was texting him and i told him that i was there, in king's cross, and he said he was there too. i can't even explain how badly i wanted to ask him if we could just even wave across the station at each other, or just hug, just for a few seconds, but i didn't. i couldn't. i can't, because my parents don't know he even exists, and that's scary. i don't like keeping things from them at all but i don't want to lose him.

i've actually spoken to him before, i've talked to him, i've played portal with him, and he's real. he hasn't ever asked me to meet up; he's promised that we will, but when i'm older, when i can make my own decisions. i know it sounds strange but people on this site make long-lasting friendships and i just need to explain this story where i won't be penalised or criticised for having a friend.

when i was on the train back from london i was texting him again about us being at king's cross at the same time, and he said he wished he'd found me, and just hugged me or something. i wished he had too.

i don't know. i'm not going to do anything stupid or reckless. i know there are still risks and i'm not going to meet him until i'm not going behind my parents' backs, but he is basically the closest, most important friend i've ever had and i just need to get this down, to let everything out.

i don't know.