When you're so angry you want to cry.

Legit the worst feeling ever. I'm always SO fucking angry when I'm at my mom's house. I hate her so much, I hate her boyfriend just as much, and my brother's just annoying whenever I see him. Everything about being here makes me so mad and I just feel sick to my stomach. I can't eat because I ALWAYS throw up. I can't wait to go back to Jaykob's. I wish I could afford to officially move in there. I literally cannot take being here any more.

My mom as usual has been making me super mad and just everything is getting worse and worse. I'm at the point where I'm just gonna start crying because I'm so angry. Constantly angry. And it just makes me more mad when someone says they understand because nine out of ten times, THEY DON'T. And even if they did it doesn't change anything. It just means they're miserable assholes like me. I can't talk to the one person I want to talk to. I can't SEE the one person I want to see. And everything just sucks right now.

And on top of this all my father is still in horrible condition. He's not getting any better and I don't think he ever will. I mean I pray to god he will but there are no good signs. And I can't see him as much as I'd like to since I lost my car. Jaykob is the only one willing to drive me all the way over there and he's only free so many hours of the week. I hate my life so much lately. I can't handle all this bullshit.

I just need to be happy. Like I don't just want to be happy, I NEED to be or else I'm gonna end up killing myself. Or my mom but we'd both be happier if it were just me. I'm sick of being angry all the time. And I hate telling my friends because they feel awkward because they can't help me and I feel bad for making them feel bad. It's just not a good situation at all right now and things really need to start getting better.
November 6th, 2012 at 02:52am