Reaching Out.

My name is Caitlin,.
I have no friends left.
No one to talk too.
I got a DWI and im now im treatment.
I see it as a blessing,
I drove drunk many times, thinking i was fine. Thinking i didnt have a drinking problem.
I did.
Badly.
Alcohol wasn't the only problem.
It was drugs.
Weed.
Cocaine,
Ecstacy
Pills.
It took over my life
At the age of 13, i was addicted to all of these.

I became immobile to life, a robot to society. I failed all of my classes, and cheated to pass. i regret all of it because now i know nothing because of all my cheating,

i see myself as a very tough person, in a tough position, I have never, EVER shared any of this with anybody, i cannot contain it any longer, here it goes.....

I have been abused since i was a child,

ive endured mental and physical abuse from both of my parents.

my first boyfriends "best friend" beat me up because i was "stealing" his best friend.

I got into drugs at the age of 14 due to abuse.
*Weed/Pills*

Once i was on pills, i took too many before i blacked out and woke up with blood and hikies on my neck.

i was raped. i was a virgin. i dont remember anything.

I felt dirty, used, unwanted, disowned, a nothing. Nobody to anybody. I felt like trash.

i was still into drugs throughout my teen years

i was into cocaine, pills, weed, alcohol, and ectasy

I was taken advantage of three more times at a party, all of which i remember refusing to participate in, and got smacked/ had my wrists held down. and all resulted in poor decision making.

I was raped again, by my ex boyfriends brother. i know, gross. Whats worse is waking up to your boyfriends brother hovering his hand over your mouth and smacking you until you shut up.

On my 19th Birthday, i was raped again, by my ex boyfriends best friend which resulted in a pregnancy....

I aborted the baby. I was devesated. He denied sleeping with me. He dienied even knowing me. I was stuck, all alone. Nobody belived me and even to this day some people dont wanna hear it, but its the TRUTH, and it DOES HAPPEN. RAPE IS REAL, and its SCARY. I went through it, and it haunts me all the time,

I need to get all my feelings out, im going crazy. I took all the money out of my bank account to pay for visits/and fees.

Say what you want These are secrets i have held in for YEARS. I feel good typing them out for the first time. I just need to get all of this out. Please, Somebody, Anybody, HELP. i wanna die.