I'm so sick of being judged for one thing I did.

I'm so sick of being judged for one thing I did.

One day, I was at lunch and I got a note from this kid I didn't talk to much. I opened it and it was something our class tee shirts. The kid who gave it to me was a messenger. I knew who it came from. The kid who had been harassing me and bashing the ONLY idea we had and it happened to be mine. It started with small comments about the quote that was chosen, then the font, and how stupid the quote was again. It was stupid things that he kept saying and I ignored them. There was just something different about this note. It was so low and childish to write a note on a piece of paper and give it to a messenger. Mind you, I moved to the other side of the cafeteria to avoid something like this that day. I got that note, and said, "Are you kidding me?" To the people I was with. I started to stand up and said, "Are you kidding me?" I turned around, staring at the two that sent it and finally yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Across the entire lunchroom. I guess around this point, the cafeteria, that held the entire high school, was dead silent. No one dared to say a word or move. The two I was yelling at included. I don't remember ANYTHING I yelled after that, but I dropped the f-bomb several times after and said something about how he "had six fucking months to do it and no one wanted to, so now you're being an ass and flipping shit about the one that's been picked." Some other things flew out of my mouth, but that's all I remember. That and my best friend (Well, we're not on speak terms now)'s brother looking at me like, Holy-Shit-What-The-Hell-Are-You-Doing-And-Where-Did-You-Get-The-Balls-To-Yell-That-At-Fucking-Colby? expression.

Friends came over to me when I was done and we left. I told my Government teacher what had happened and why I did what I did. I also said some pretty bitchy things in the hall to people, but I don't remember what I said...

It's been MONTHS since that happened and the Colby and I did make up. We're friends now. He actually just bashed his own friend to me... But what I don't get is why this third party person feels the need to judge me for it every day!!!

We can be talking about ANYTHING and he'll be like, "Well at least I don't freak out and forget it!" or "I can freak out and at least Ill remember it!" or "You haven't had a freak out in this long!"

It's so annoying and it's just... I don't even know the word, but I do ONE thing and it follows me forever. Something that the two parties directly involved in it have put behind, but the rest of the world can't? What do I do about that? I'm just so done with things following me forever! It was two times and the second wasn't as bad!! I'm sorry that I either explode or I implode! It's not that it really matters to anyone though, as long as they have something to judge you for or make fun of you for, that's all that matters in life. Your feelings don't matter one bit. How does one handle that? I seriously need some help on this before I just up and transfer!!

xoxo