Story idea, annoyance, and does this make me a bad friend?

I already know this doesn't make me a bad friend but I need to vent as usual.

I hate Christmas shopping. I hate it. Last year I spent $1200 on people and not for nothing but they weren't all that thankful. I get DAMN good gifts too. Siobhan, Chris and Jaykob are my best friends okay? I got Siobhan a bag she wanted really bad that was $220 and an obscene giftcard for Victoria's Secret on top of that because I thought it wasn't enough and I felt lame just giving her one thing! I got Chris two shirts, jeans, and these fucking basketball player sneakers that were over $100. I know it seems weird to get a guy clothes but he's all about looking good. I got Jaykob two games for his PSP or whatever it is, this hat he wanted that was also overpriced, and a coffee maker because he always bitched about not being caffeinated. Then I got other people smaller things because I knew they were getting me something and felt like I had to.

I KNOW it's my faut for spending all that money but legit I can't help it. It's such a problem. I always feel like I'm not giving them enough and just spend more and more. My friends don't have cheap taste and I don't like buying cheap things. I don't care what I get in return because they obviously don't know what I got them in the first place but it's the lack of thank yous I get. And even when I know they won't be as gracious as I think they will be I STILL SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON THEM. I hate myself sometimes.

But I'm vowing to myself that I'm only getting Jaykob, Siobhan, Chris, and Ryan something this year. One thing or a hundred things as long as for each person it doesn't add up to anything more than $75. I might not even get Chris something and just make each person $100. Chris and I are on weird terms right now. Ryan might not even get something it depends what we're considered come Christmas time.

I'm gonna feel so bad. Farrah (another friend) was saying it's rude to put a pricetag on someone though. Like what do you want from me? I'm not spending $300+ again. I'm spending no more than $300 ALL TOGETHER. Fuck you. It made me mad that she said that though. I want to be fair and this is the only way I can be. Or the only way I'm willing to be at least.

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I've been writing an Avengers story and omg it's coming along so great. Of course I'm not gonna post it though I never post anything on here. :c I get so self conscious because everyone else is such a great writer. And I'm not on here to become a BETTER one or anything. I write to relieve stress not to be a writer or improve my writing. And truth be told I cannot take criticism, all I'd do is get irrationally upset even at someone who is being super nice with the critique.

It's not exactly based off Hate Every Beautiful Day by Sugarcult but I have been listening to it on a loop while writing it and I fall out of "groove" when I listen to something else so lol. You could call it its theme song. c; Maybe I will post it. Doubtful but it's a possibility.