I'm So Done With Drugs.

On Sunday, I went out with Mr. Right Now for pizza, ICEE's, and car sex. That was tons of fun, I loved every cond of time with him, but while we were out, mommy raided my room and I got drug busted for having weed. Now I'm not arrested or anything thankfully, but I'm in a little bit of trouble.

That's the thing though. I'm in trouble. And oddly enough, I think it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I've been doing drugs since I was 12. It's taken 4 fucking years for me to get in any kind of trouble and someone to ask me to stop. It doesn't really matter that it was my parents, I just needed someone to tell me to quit drugs and get my life on track.

By all means this might only last a week that I'm clean, but it's gonna be the best week of my life.
I've been rock bottoming for 2 weeks now. Sneaking out with Mr. Right Now, spending most of my day contemplating the pros and cons of offing myself, and doing massive quantities of drugs only to still dwell on how much I want to see Mr. Right Now again and how much I want to die.

Hell, this is my first clear thought.

I mean even the night I got busted, I snuck back up to my room and blew through a ton of my back up drugs. And today as soon as I woke up I got high. The drug do was at school today. He caught onto me, but that was when the officer was busy talking to the principal so she didn't notice his tail wagging. I still can't believe I got away with that.

It wasn't a cry for help though, not in the least. I did it all to myself. I started doing drugs because I wanted to. I cheated on my girlfriend and have been hooking up and hanging around Mr. Right Now beause I wanted like him a lot, he likes me, and I've never had a 'lets just go for it and see what happens' kind of thing happen with me before. I'm loving how everything is going right now with him. It's what I've needed.

All I need now are my friends and support.

I don't care if I relapse. Not one single bit. All that matters is I'm done crying for attention now. So may it be a day, a week, a year, or the rest of my life, I'm not going to take being clean for granted.

If anything, I just want to hear some kind words or inspirational stories.
November 14th, 2012 at 10:19pm