I know someday I will

I used to think that I would never want to have kids. The main reason was that I was afraid I would turn into the kind of mom mine is. But then I realized I'm nothing like her. I don't put other people down to make myself feel better. And I definitely wouldn't do that to my own kids like she does.

A big thing that has made me realize I want kids is working at the boys and girls club. I was sitting there the other day watching them and it really hit me how much I am a part of their lives and how they look up to me. I walk in there after school and when the littlest kids there see me they come running up to me giving me hugs and smiling. My heart has melted a couple times because of the kids. One time I walked in and Tori and Caroline just came running up to me with the biggest smiles I ever saw. They jumped on to me and wouldn't let go. I spent a great deal of time that day walking around with one of them on each hip. Then he other day we were in the gym and Zoa, this little girl that just started going there, was sitting all by herself. I felt awful, so I asked if she would want to play volleyball with me and Abby and you face just lit up. It was the most amazing feeling knowing that I caused that. I have really grown to love And care for the kids there. I hate to see them cry. And I really don't allow it. Cam, this little girl that goes there that has a deformed hand, was sitting under the bleachers bawling because and I sat there for 10 minutes trying to get her to say what was wrong and she wouldnt say. So I just picked her up and carried her around but she kept her face covered and after about 5 minutes she just started laughing. She was in shock that I just picked her up. She thought I would leave her there and ignore her like everyone else.

I know that depending on how my life turns out and who I end up with I might have to adopt. But I really don't care. Even if I wouldn't have to adopt I know I would at least adopt one kid. Only because they shouldn't have to live their life thinking no one wants them. I would give them a home and love and protect them from everything. Because that is what they deserve. That is what every kid deserves.

I just...I know I didn't use to want kids. But knowing know that no matter what I would atleast have to have one. It is the most amazing feeling to have a kids face light up because of something you said. I just..I can't explain it. It is just amazing.