They say time heals everything....

... I'm still waiting. I know it hasn't been that long since my Dad passed away, but I'm just waiting for that day when just for a moment, I can forget how much it hurts. Every minute of every day I'm thinking of his, crying over memories and get hysterical if his name is mentioned.

He loved watching Christmas movies and it was our tradition to watch them together, I can't even look at a Christmas movie without breaking down. Everywhere I look, I see him and I'm a wreck. I don't sleep, I just randomly go to different sites and buy stuff. Things that I don't need, ebay is not helping, but it keeps me occupied.

The darkness of the night just makes me miss him more, the quieter it is, the more I miss him. When dawn appears, I fall into a sleep filled with nightmares and tossing and turning. I'm suppose to go back to work tomorrow.... at the same hospital where he worked, and instead of eating lunch with him in his office, I have to go to the cafeteria with my co-workers because his office no longer exists. It belongs to someone else now.

The fact of the matter is.... for the past 26 years I've had a Dad who has been such a huge part of my everyday life and I don't know how to live in a world where he doesn't exist.