Regarding Larry Stylinson/My Fanfic/Hate I've Received

Okay I don't usually step into the drama part of this band, because I honestly don't care. I'm here for the boys and the music. I don't pay attention to relationships, though I do find Eleanor lovely. But here goes.

I ship Larry Stylinson as a bromance. Nothing more. And if you ship them as a relationship, that's okay too. I don't have a problem with that. Most Larry shippers that I know have given me respect and I have given them respect back. So if you want to ship it more than a bromance, go ahead. You have your opinions. I just don't ship it that far. Please respect that while I respect you.

As I am bringing this up. My Larry fanfic "Hush Hush, Keep it Down Now, Voices Carry" has been on indefinite hiatus for a while, as I've been going back and forth on deciding if I am going to continue it or not. I've had my reasons for not updating for a while. I have gotten so many sweet comments and great constructive criticism in the comments and through PMs. It really means a lot to me.

And this is where we move on to the last topic of this blog.

I haven't updated my fic and it's been on hiatus for a while because of all the Larry drama that has been going on. I don't get into it on twitter or tumblr, I usually just keep my comments to myself and do my own thing. But things have gotten so out of hand and Louis has been getting involved and Stan and I don't know. It's crazy.

And that plays a part on why I haven't continued it. But the other half is the hate and death threats I have gotten through PMs regarding my fanfic. I am not going to call anyone out, because I don't believe in back and forth bullying (I don't believe in bullying at all). But I just wanted to say that it hurts. There have been so many nice comments about it, but when I get horrible, horrible things said to me through messages. That's where it gets personal.

I have been told to "die" and that my writing sucks and that I should "kill myself". And I don't think these people sending me these understand how serious this is. I've suffered from depression a majority of my life. I was teased beyond belief from Elementary School through High School. I was never very outgoing and not pretty and not the skinniest person in the world. Kids would step on my shoes and trip me and then laugh. They would call me names. Middle school was even worse. Kids would push me down. I remember this one kid grabbed me by the backpack while I was trying to leave to go home and he wouldn't let go. He held a bag of cookies in front of my face teasing me saying "does the fat girl want this?". I was traumatized from it all. I'm on antidepressants and anxiety medication. And when these people sent me these threats and horrible things, I don't think they understand how badly it hurt me. I have suffered with suicidal thoughts for a long time now. I've even attempted it. And I never, ever thought that people would send me these things. I always thought I was nice and if I was nice nobody would hate me like this.

And then somebody told me that Louis would be ashamed of me and that he would hate me.

And that's when I decided to stop writing it. Because I can't get the thought of Louis hating me out of my head. I don't want him to hate me. I just can't.

And so I can't bring myself to finish the fanfic. I thought it was harmless, I really did. I thought it would be okay, because I only ship Larry as a bromance. But I guess not.

I don't know. I'm feeling really down these past few weeks that I haven't felt like writing at all.

I just really don't want threats like this anymore. It makes me want to delete my entire mibba and just disappear forever.

I'm sorry that some of you sat through this pointless blog. I just needed to rant or get out my frustration and pain. I'm just really hurting from the messages that I got.

To everyone who was very nice and supportive; thank you. It really does mean a lot.

-Laura