Why Bother?

This question keeps coming back to me all the time and it's a good one. I have depression, but it's not bad. I used to cut and sometimes I still want to but I don't, I used to burn myself but I haven't done that in quite a while. I am suicidal sometimes, yeah that's true.
The reason's are kinda complex and I doubt I can write them all or that anyone would care enough to read them all. A couple can easily be said in a few short sentences. Like:
My older brother molested me for 8 or 9 years. I didn't tell anyone. I have a police record of running away. My dad used to hit me, throw me around, cuss at me, tie me up. Now he only cusses and yells and sometimes pushes me, he hasn't really done physical damage in a year. In September I came out and told my parents and my grandparents about what my brother did to me. Nobody believed me. My older brother's wife got pissed at me, she hates me now too. My brother admitted it happening to 2 people, not counting me. My mom now believes me and we're pressing charges. My dad now despises me, hates my guts. Everything is my fault. Everything. I have a few true and honest to God great friends. They keep me alive without knowing it. Them and the fact that I cannot let my brother win. In the last 2 months I've developed an eating disorder. I can't help it. Food is gross, just like me. I can't help thinking it. I can't help the tears that escape at night. I can't help the feeling of hopeless regrets. I can't help the hate I have for myself. I can't help what happened or what will happen. I feel lost. I feel lost all the time. I can't help the thoughts I have of death. I can't help the plans my brain's made for me. The plans my brain's made for my death. I can't help the constant thoughts of suicide that I have. The "life would be better for everyone else if I wasn't around" thoughts are uncontrollable. I can't get help. I don't know how to accept help. I'm hopeless and lost. I don't know why I keep going. Why I keep trying. Everything is against me. Nothing wants me to succeed. Why do I bother? Why? I don't have the answer to that. I never did. I never will. I'll never know.