I really miss you

Dear nan I wish you was here. I have so much I wanna tell you like what grades I got for last year in college, or that I got a call back for mtv and that I didn't get the placement with them. Or that I'm on student crew and I've got a few things going on with them, or how happy Reuben makes me. I wish you could have met him, he's so lovely and sweet and kind and sooooo handsome. You'd love him he really makes me happy unlike Matt. I wish you was here and we'd be cooking cupcakes in the kitchen or playing card games like uno and tricking granddad with the plus two cards.

It sucks you not being here. I know it's been months since you passed away but I didn't get to say goodbye to you I wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening and now I can never hug you or see you ever again. I don't wanna stop thinking about you, I'd rather cry every day missing you then to never have to think about you. You were the most amazing woman I ever knew, I love you so much and I'm so glad I got to have you in my life for 17 years I just wish I could have kept you with me for a little bit longer.

This christmas is going to really suck without you nan, there's going to be an empty place that no one will ever be able to fill. Everytime I go to granddads I can tell that he's still upset, it's so silent in that house now. No one dares sits in your spot still which I'm glad about it's your spot no one elses.

I loved how close we were, I know you wanted a daughter and got three sons and I know that you loved them all so much. Then you had 2 gransons which you love with all your heart I can't even being to imagine how happy you were when I was born. You were always there for me when I needed you and these pass couple of months I really wish I could have had you with me I hate not being able to see you unless it's through a photo.

I love you nan, nothing is the same without you it really kills me not being able to talk to you anymore. You cared for others so much and you put everyone else first and what I find so amazing is that you never complained once when you was sick.

Love you so much nan, till the next time I'll let you be. If you were able to read this somehow I hope you know how much you mean to me.