Over-thinking Everything.

Do you ever have the problem of over-thinking everything? Like, over-analysing every single part of a situation? I seem to suffer from this problem a lot. But yesterday, I kind of reached breaking point.

I'm the kind of person that keeps things bottled up; for days, weeks, months, even years. Yesterday, everything I had kept bottled up over the past two years just came spilling out in the form of tears and incoherent words.

I was with my best friend in McDonald's, just having a catch up because I hadn't spent as much time with her as I usually would. At first, we were laughing and joking about bands like we usually did. And then it suddenly escalated from there. One minute I was laughing, the next I was pouring out all of the emotions that had been locked away for so long. In the middle of McDonald's.

We were there for a good hour, crying together and her whispering encouraging words to me. I fucking love her so much for being there for me. I had lost track of time and realised that it was coming up to 7:00pm. I was meant to be back home hours ago. Oops. I composed myself and went home.Thank God it was raining. I used it as an excuse as to why my makeup was smudged and my ace was slightly red.

Anyway, I woke up with morning perfectly fine. But then the negative thoughts came flooding back into my mind and before I knew it, I was having a panic attack in the middle of the shower. I had never had one before so I didn't exactly know what was happening to me. It was such a scary experience.

I managed to get myself out of the shower and dress myself somehow, with distorted vision because of the tears. My hands felt tingly and I couldn't breathe. At all. My mum came to me and tried to help me through it but if anything, she unintentionally made it worse. It only lasted about 10 minutes, but it was still scary. It felt like an out-of-body experience; like I was watching it happen to someone else.

To prevent this from happening again, I have to remember a few things:

• Try to block out negative thoughts. It's not easy, but it will help.
•Listen to motivational songs. Like PMA - LTA and I Will Try - Deaf Havana.
•Stop worrying and over-thinking every situation.
•Vent my feelings more often. Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders will eventually get the better of you and the panic attacks might reoccur.
•Accept compliments. It's difficult, but it restores a tiny amount of confidence.
•SMILE MORE.