When the heart breaks.

I am sure nobody will read this, this is more of a personal release. But, if someone reads it, so be it. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He was the first guy I have been with since I was 13, so I was quite skeptical at the start. Now, he lives in North Carolina, and I reside in New York. We live seven hundred and one miles, and twelve hours apart from each other. I have never met him in person. Now, some people believe that sounds stupid. That you can't love someone you've never met. But, that is simply a matter of opinion. And I disagree. I fell in love with him pretty much imediately. And, ironically, I want to live in North Carolina. And what was even more ironic, was that he lived in the town I was interested in. I also looked at him as a sort of gift from God. Because prior to meeting him, I was going through a rough time with trying to figure out myself. I was so lonely, and I prayed and prayed for someone to come in and consume my thoughts. For someone to love me, to just be my friend. And I was blessed with sweet Cameron. So, almost a month exactly after meeting him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. We were doing great through the summer, he was somewhat content with his life. But then he started school, and his marching band started again, it consumed all his time. It still does. And, because of his irrational fear of speaking, we only communicate via text message. So, the stress of his school and almost constant trombone playing has really gotten to him. He is so moody and depressed and negative, and I simply am not. His suprememe self-hatred and beyond low self-esteem take him over, and his fear of telling his parents about how he feels hinders him from progressing. So he just keeps sinking and sinking, and I am sick of sinking with him. I love him, so much. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone thus far in my life. If I was capeable, I would do anything I could to try and heal him. But I can't. I can't from so far away. So I broke up with him. I can't allow myself to sink back into a depression that isn't even really my own. I will always be here for him, and talk to him on the times I usually do. But, alas, my heart is broken. Because, in my naive six-teen year old female adolescent mind, I believed I could really be with him for the rest of my life. I was determined for that to happen. It may be stupid, but to me, it is the most painful thing I have endured thus far. Thankfully, I am an optimist, though. And I know, just like anything, with time, I will heal.