Misophonia My Story

Im 18 and I’ve already had enough of my own head. For as long as I can remember I have had Misophonia, a rare disorder. Which is better worded as the ‘hatred of certain sounds and movements’. It kills me inside.
Everyday things destroy me completely. Going into public not only scares me but also makes me flip out on the inside.
These everyday sounds are things such as;
- Chewing
- Eating
- ‘Wet’ mouth
- Chewing gum
-Whistling
- Humming
- Certain accents
- Certain voice frequency’s
- Slurping drinks
- Clocks
- Whispering
- foot Tapping
- Fingernail picking
- Biting finger nails
- words with lots of ‘s’ and ‘t’
- Rustling of food packets
-nail clipping
- Certain phone keyboards

These are but a few. When I hear these sounds, an unexplainable, uncontrollable force, runs through my body. I feel angry, sad and panicky. When these sounds are heard it triggers a ‘flight or fight’ response into the sufferers, these can cause panic attacks and fits of rage. I suffer mostly from the latter.
On the outside you look perfectly fine, yet inside your tearing people limb from limb. Only able to relax when your home... but no! Because people live in your home, who speak, move and eat. It’s non-stop. I used to wonder if I was better off deaf, but I decided soon after I would rather hate sounds than hear none at all. I’ve trashed the house countless times and fucked my hand up from punching walls countless times as well as self harm. Your head gets thrown into ‘breakdown’ mode and suddenly everything doesn’t seem worth it and your needing a release.
People say things such as ‘get over it’, ‘mind over matter’. They simply don’t understand the constant internal battle going on every second of everyday trying to stop myself from killing everyone. The worst part is after I’ve asked politely for people to stop doing the things they do, I feel guiltier than a mass murderer. I Cry a lot, I feel like I shouldn’t be forcing my problem on others, but there needs to be an awareness.
I Hate being like this.
It consumes your every thought.
It’s a hard task to go out and enjoy simple things such as the cinema and hanging out with friends.
The only way we can get relief is from loud environments, such as loud pubs, and music venues, I play instruments myself and I can get lost in my music for hours on end. Music is my saviour, im certain that without my music I would of given up long ago.
As of yet there’s no cure for Misophonia, no one has researched into it well enough.
I write this to tell people with this disorder, you are not alone, and to ask the non –sufferers to raise awareness.
http://www.misophonia.info/symptoms-and-triggers/

Thankyou x

I understand this might not be grammatically correct but this was extremely hard for me to write, let alone post. I hope you can understand.