I wrote about Lysander's father for the first time in this chapter. Unintentionally, I portrayed her father as my own. Only realizing this after I went to proof read the chapter, I broke down in tears. I'm the youngest of three girls. C, being the only blood sister I have, was always his favorite. M, the oldest and my step sister, was the treasure of the family. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism when I was 8. I am chubby because of it and it's hard on me. I can't go shopping with my family because they always discourage me. I'm full of scars because my skin is so sensitive from having eczema when I was growing up. I'm allergic to mosquitoes so when I go to the lake with family, I have to stay indoors. I get nasty stares from my sister's friends. The only person that has never judged me for being the way I am is C's ex-boyfriend. Sad to say I had a crush on him when he was three years older than myself. I had unintentionally got those two together. He wasn't happy with her and I'll never know why he ever stayed.
Anyhow, my father was only proud of me when I did something to benefit him. When I got a letter of recommendation from my favorite teacher for a university, he tore it up. He wanted me to go into sports or something like that. I was a sixteen year old with the goal of becoming a special education teacher. I had taken up playing the flute just as an escape from his glaring and judging eyes when I was in fourth grade. Since then, I've become obsessed with music. I can now play seven instruments. Flute, trumpet, trombone, bass, guitar, alto saxophone, and a bit of drums. Music is my escape. I can play guitar and place myself on a stage in front of thousands of people, playing music I wrote.
Because of my father, I've never had any friends or boyfriends. He would always knock me down. I started cutting in seventh grade. I didn't know that it would become addicting until I had gotten my ears pierced for the third time in eighth grade. Walmart usually pierces with those sharp little earrings right? well, at school during lunch, I'd hide in the bathroom by the seventh grade corridors and pull one out of my ears and attack my left wrist. I got caught one day by this girl that rode my bus. She told me that it wasn't necessary. She eventually got her lunch switched to mine and she made sure I wouldn't cut for the rest of the year. She had gotten me out of my shell and made me get a few more friends. Little did I know that at the last dance of the year would be the last time I'd ever see her. I started freshman year with a ring through my lip and every intention of being myself.
It didn't work.
My mom had gotten a boyfriend and moved us to his house with his two kids. His daughter hated me and let my cat, my pride and joy, out. I never saw him again! She tried it once more with my puppy but luckily he didn't go. We left his house a few months later and we went back to...
MY FATHERS HOUSE!!
Yep, we went back to the one place I was most miserable at. I got sick in the end of freshman year so I withdrew from public school and went to independent study. I stayed there until I went back to another boyfriends house of my moms. I had friends at that new school because I tried to. I was cutting too. It became addicting to me. I had started collecting monster pull tabs and attached them to a charm necklace I had. During lunch I'd do it. My best friend I made there, P, convinced me to stop. From the day he had a hint what I was doing, he'd meet me by my class that was after lunch and walk me to english. To say I had a crush on him was a slight understatement. We walked three miles to and from school for no reason. I'd get in trouble for walking with him but I didn't care. He was the only one that cared enough about me to actually talk to me! My mom made me leave P. She had broken up with her boyfriend yet again, and we went back to my fathers house.
Junior year I decided to dress more girly to see if I could fit in. I kind of did. But then I found out I was going to be a fifth year senior if I stayed at that high school. I went back to independent study. I finished the year there. Even with my father kicking me and my sisters and my mom out at 9 at night I didn't cut. P somehow made me feel stronger even though we didn't talk anymore.
My mom moved me and her into a friends house, where I would later get accused of stealing a car. A 16 year old without a permit would steal a car while watching the man's daughter almost 50 miles away?! How is that possible?! The guy kicked us out. We drove from southern california all the way up to Tonasket, Washington. If you don't know where that is, don't feel bad. It's a small city, consisting of maybe 200 people. It's located 26.2 miles from the Canadian border.
My mom and I stayed there until two weeks before my seventeenth birthday. We drove down to Seattle in the middle of a rainstorm at midnight. There, we stayed with a meth addict. We left the day before thanksgiving 2011. We took the Amtrak all the way to LA. My father and C were there to pick us up. We dropped C off at her dorms and drove to my hometown. We passed our old trailer park and I was confused on why we weren't staying there. My dad burnt it to the ground. We drove to the ghetto (I'm sorry, but this area was horrible. It was full of gangs) and pull up to a '94 bouncer RV. I lived in that RV for almost a year. I left Halloween night of this year. I had successfully graduated high school, got the RV awning dropped on my head, attacked by mosquitoes, and lost my father.
My father ruined my childhood but he's still my father...
...I just wished he cared about me.
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