Before this year, if anyone had told me that Destiny and I would become best friends, I'd call them crazy. In previous years, she's been known to... ah, get around. We'll leave it at that. No one in the area really liked her at all.
But she's grown on me and just changed as a person so much this school year. She's become such a better person in general. She still parties and swarps around sometimes, but she isn't sleeping or flirting with everything with boy parts.
In fact, she's in an extremely serious and committed relationship with a Marine! He's away right now and will be home for Christmas a little before in fact, in 20 days. I can tell she really loves this boy and is serious about him. She says no without hesitation when guys ask to hang out. She sits every day at lunch and writes him letters and doodles little hearts all over the papers and is trying to decide what she wants to get him for Christmas.
We're also going to go prom dress shopping in January and she's going to either get a red or white dress to match her boyfriend's Marine uniform. She wants him to wear that instead of a tux or something. Which I think is adorable. She talked to our principal, who usually despises her for the trouble she used to cause, about him being able to come (we have to have dates approved) and without checking his high school records like he usually does for dates, he said "I'm going to go ahead and approve him. If he's a Marine, then there's no doubt he's an outstanding young man. I really respect you for standing by him."
And I do too. Being the significant other of anyone in the military has to be hard! For her to be so committed makes me so happy.
He came home over Thanksgiving, before they were together, and did something so sweet. She said she was in North Carolina at the old Vanderbilt house looking around, and when she rounded the stairs, there he stood at the top in his uniform, waiting on her.
He'd got into contact with her parents to find out where they were so he could surprise her. That's when he asked her to be his girlfriend. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SO SWEET. It made my heart melt.
I'm just so, so proud of her and glad to call her my best friend. And it just goes to show that everyone can change if they want to.
Also, my life is going to turn into a bad Lifetime movie.
Some of you may or may not remember about a year ago, I was dating this guy and we were trying things long distance and I was so, so, so happy with him. So undeniably happy. We were cute together all over Mibba and all over Facebook and people said that we were the kind of cute that they didn't mind.
Everything was great. And that's why it hit me so hard when he magically... vanished. He broke up with me and said goodbye on September 23rd, 2011. I was taking a nap, waiting on him to get home from work. He closed that night and usually didn't get home until 11. I always napped until he got off work so I could see the alarm on my phone that said something cheesy about him being home.
When I woke up, I had a message saying that he loved me and I was perfect to him and he'd never forget about me or forgive himself for doing this to me. Basically, it was a "it's not you, it's me" thing. He sounded so guilty. And everything had been deactivated. Everything. I've not ever cried over someone like I have him, except maybe the last guy I talked to for a pretty long time.
That night, I swore that somehow, I'd find him again. After getting a wild hair to call his place of work a few months later, I was knocked out of it by a mutual friend and incredibly discouraged and still hurting so much.
I'm still hurting.
I had a dream I found him the night before last, and now the determination to find him is staggering. I've been compiling a list of information about him that I could remember and I have quite a bit. And I read over some of our messages last night and I thought it'd do more harm than good, but it actually helped me.
It made me feel closer to him. And it was just nice. I smiled a lot. I cried a lot, too. But I was smiling so much through the tears.
The amount of hearts, I love yous, and cutesy things in those messages was overwhelming. There were 3,000 messages that I went through.
But one thing that caught me the most was a message I sent him about waiting however long I needed to see him or something like that.
God, is he going to make me prove that in the most literal sense.
Because guys, the reason I'm saving money starting now is during the road trip my other best friend (Not Destiny, MaKayla) and I take the summer we graduate (2014) I am going to find him. I will search high and low for him.
It's stupid, it's reckless, it's probably just an all around bad idea to any outsider to the situation, but guess what?
This is not something my mind and heart are arguing about. Both are completely on board. Because if nothing else happens when I find him, I deserve to know why. I didn't have any say in him leaving so he won't have a say in me showing up on his door step.
I can't let someone who meant so much to me slip through my fingers without me at least fighting for it. I've been passive for a year. And I will be for another year or so.
But I'm not backing down. I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm stubborn and hard headed and a go getter when it comes to what I want. I'll search to the ends of the earth if I have to.
I never got over him and if things don't end up like a fairy tale and we reunite, hopefully this little adventure will give me the closure I need to get over him.
He said he was doing what was 'best' for me. He wasn't at all. He wanted me to move on from him. And I haven't. He wanted me to realize that he was 'doing it for me.' And I haven't realized it. He wanted me to be happy. I haven't been the same kind of happy since he left.
I know everything might not turn out how I'm secretly hoping for it to. Something could have happened to him. He could have a life with someone else. Anything can haven in 3 years. Anything. But because I'm too hopeful for my own good, I'm going to hope and pray things will go my way.
I know I'm crazy. I'm stupid. I'm too stuck in the past.
But I don't care. Something good could come from this. The bad probably outweighs the good, but I don't care. I'd rather him look me in the face and say "I don't want to see you." Or for him to ask me to leave or find out something happened to him than to go on not fucking knowing.
And I deserve to know. Yeah, he might feel guilty or 'never forgive himself' for what happened and that probably bothers him every great now and again. But I'm bothered every day.
I sound so crazy, but you know what?
