This is making me nervous and is so sad to think about :(

Alright so my boyfriend is on probation and since its a felony (not going to disclose the charges but it wasn't violent or anything like that) probation they have to drug test him randomly. Well, last time he went to his drug class, they tested him and he popped for second hand (pot) smoke. It was probably from when his room mates and I smoked in the car while he was driving. They could have given him 12 more classes but didn't.

Now later on this morning he has to go see his probation officer and him and I are sure he will drug test him since he had a flase negative on Saturday when he was at the class. Now, I've been taking my smoking sessions to other places in the house other then where he is. His room mates comply for the most part- all except last night. My boyfriends even said himself that he would rather get caught with all the pot and parafanelia in the house and go to prision then to fail a test and not know what they're going to do.

It just makes me so nervous whenever we go to those places. Because unless they haven't been around ANYTHING and you know that 100%, you honestly don't know if they're going to be able to come home and that is one of the worst feelings, for the both of us. Though, I'm almost certain it is worse for him then it is for me. It just irritates me when his room mates know the situation and still smoke around him. Now granted it is their house, true. But you don't just say you're going to start smoking in your bedroom from now on if you don't plan on it. I know I lit up last night but he wasn't in that side of the house. I put it out when he came back.

If he goes to jail, I will be LOST. I wouldn't know what to do. Carl is the love of my life, he's my world. My life would crumble to the ground if he wasn't in it. If he does go to jail, I will be here waiting for him when he gets out with money, a car and a place to live all set up. I just pray it doesn't come to that.

*I know some of you will find some spelling errors but I don't have a spell check. I also know some of you will have a few choice words to say about my "bad" boyfriend ; and all I have to say to that is, if you judge me because of whom I love, then you have never been in love.

Thanks for whoever read this, I apprecaite it.