The Truth About Night

Well, considering no one reads these why not continue to talk? Least this way if I die someday my words where written down.

Tonight, after a very stressful three hour conversation with one of my best guy friends, lets call him John. (funny how made up names are always J's, Jim, Jane, John) I decided I needed to get out of my house. I just needed fifteen minutes of peace and quiet to think about what had just happened. So, I grabbed my coat, my keys, and shoes and out the door I went.

Now, where I live you rarely get a nice night to just walk. Tonight was not so bad, it was clear, but FREEZING cold. As I walked by my car I remember the pack of cigarettes I keep in a small compartment and decided, "What the hell." I grabbed them out and headed on my way. To my surprise the sounds of the cars on the near by road faded away. I realized all I could hear was silence. Complete and utter silence.

I lite my cigarette and walked, this way and then that way, only to find myself by a small school that is right behind where I live. I just stared at it. Next thing I knew I was thinking of the kids that go there.

Who are they? What will become of them? Who will they grow up to be? Will they all make it to 18? Will they go to college? Could someday my kid go there? Do I want kids? If so how many? I stopped myself. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! Kids, I mean really, KIDS! I turned and walked away shaking the thoughts out of my head.

Finally, my brain decided to think about John and his problems with a girl, or two, or three. One guy three girls, funny how that seems to happen to him a lot. He is dating this girl lets call her, Sara, and a month ago he told me that he loved her. Now all of a sudden it's like hell has frozen over and he is not sure. Needless to say he is a twenty year old guy, who does know what he wants at that age? Anyway, lately they have run into a few bumps and one fairly large pothole. The issue (or the main one) happens to be distance. They live about 5 hours away because he is attending college in a neighboring state. For some reason all of a sudden this is an issue, right after she decided to go to the same college as him. (This is not because of him, PROMISE)

He also got a Facebook message from a girl, we will call her Lori, who just determined she is in love with him. Tonight during our lengthy conversation I asked him if he had ever done anything with this Lori girl. He informed me that sure they had hung out and eventually had sex but it was casual. My thoughts were nothing but a jumbled mess. I asked him if he liked or loved her more than Sara, he informed me he did not. In my mind that makes this girl off limits to talk to.

Next, he tells me, "Oh by the way I am talking to my ex-girlfriend, your ex-friend, Jane." At this point my blood boiled a little. This girl cheated on him! I was never really friends with her in high school we were just acquaintances but I quickly developed a strong dislike for her then and it sure as hell has not just disappeared over the last few years. He tells me he has a small bag of "souvenirs" just things he had kept from their time together. When I asked him what it was he told me a few of the things, they were cute, but to be honest I just wanted to throw up.

I told him if he cared about Sara at all he needed to talk to her because she deserved the best from him. We hung up after a 3.5 hour conversation about his girl life and all I wanted to do was scream. But I figured he would work things out with Sara, never text Lori again and as for Jane well, I was hoping he would stay the hell away from her.

I was wrong.

Very WRONG.

About an hour latter I received a message stating, "I did the one thing you asked me not to do."

I had told him not to do a lot of things, "I text someone you told me not to."

Well that narrows it down to two people, "Jane?'

"Yes."

My mouth dropped open and I considered driving the six hours to kick his ass and drive home again. When I asked how it went something strange happened. He had text her to apparently tell her he had found a random Caribou napkin in his room (something from their dating days) he did not tell her it was the one she had written on over a year and a half ago, it was just a random napkin. When she answered she informed him she still has a Caribou empty gift card with Dove chocolate saying written on it FROM HIM in HER car!!!!!

This news shocked me. Literally brought me to tears. This girl has ruined three of his last relationships by doing this shit to him. I told him I thought he loved her during our phone conversation and he flipped a gasket. When I read this on my phone I knew it had to be true. I mean hell this could be a stupid love story for Pete sake!

When, again, I told him he was in love with her he tried to be stubborn and would not admit to it.

As I walked tonight I realized there is nothing more I can do to convince him not to be with her. She has won. I mean come on! Who both keeps something like that for almost two years. It was meant to be, as much as I hate to admit it. I just want him to be happy. When I told him that he all but laughed in my face. Oh well I guess being a good friend can be hard to do sometimes.

The silence of the night made me realize I love my best friend, but I want him to be as happy as he can be. And even though I really do NOT like her, she makes him happy for now. The silence of the night spoke to me in an unexpected way. It scared me first with my own future only to end me in deciding I needed to help John with his.