Over The Rehab Hill.

No I'm not thirty so I am not really going "Over The Hill" persay but I've heard something lately that seems to piece my most recent "getting everything off my chest" behavior lately and just having it being repeated in the back of my mind makes me wanna roll around in cake or something. A friend told me that "the first step in getting over something or someone is admittance." THANK GODDESS! It just feels like lately thats all thats been spilling out of me, admitting to my ex boyfriend that, yes I am still in fucking love with you, yes I lied I still remember mostly everything and it haunts the fuck outta me. I dont really care if you do feel the same or not because honestly I'm not admitting for an answer, I'm admitting because maybe just maybe if I stop trying to push it in the back of my mind it will stop trying to eat a hole right through my fucking stomach and just maybe I'll get some PROPER sleep without having memory dreams. Its kinda like a drug addict admitting they have a problem. I HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM! I AM IN LOVE WITH MY EX BOYFRIEND AND I ADMIT IT, AND IM HAPPY YOU FOUND A GIRLFRIEND THAT IS REALLY NICE AND SHE LOVES YOU A LOT I'M HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY! next comes the rehab stage, this has failed before in the past but this time I promise to stay 100% comitted to my guidelines which I have written down just so I remember the rules. I gotta stay focused, I mean we were just kids in love right? But here is the problem with...lets call it mental rehab, I hate giving up on anything but I know this is something I need to give up on. I need to give this up right? Its kind of like an impossible math problem, there is just no answer to it, no matter how many times you try it, flip the equation or try to solve it with different methods its just not going to work. Leave the math problem alone and just let it be happy being impossible sitting with other impossible math problems. See now the thing in the back of my mind is I'm giving up on something and eventually thats gonna eat at my stomach too. So which one would I rather deal with, pushing everything back in my mind or the feeling of giving up? Thats something I need to think about and not just go with the logical answer. Truthfully I don't trust myself to make the right decision, people eventually get over guilt right? Maybe a pros and cons list would help... no I'm gonna take Kellin Quinn's advice. I cant hang so I'm goin for the door because IIIII dontt wanna take up precious time because he's such a pretty pretty pretty pretty face.... besides, Kellin Quinn says I'm gonna meet a boy at 23 and he'll mean the world to me and I'll give him everything and he'll do the same for me IMAGINE THAAAATTT! XD! incase you didn't get the refence I'm referring to If You Cant by Sleeping With Sirens, well that song is gonna be on repeat for the rest of the night...all part of the rehab.
December 6th, 2012 at 12:49am