Haven't Felt This Way in A While (Anonymous)

So I was looking at my old comments, back when I first joined Mibba. Boy, I was a bitch back in the day. Most of the earlier comments were authors who no longer exist on this site, yelling at me for leaving them poor reviews on their poorly constructed stories. And while they most definitely deserved my healthy dose of reality, I guess I could have been a bit nicer about it. But oh well, I was young and stupid back then. Anyway, I digress, as I was looking through my comments, I stumbled upon a few authors reviewing my old frerard Anonymous

For those who don't know: Anonymous was written in mid 2007, during the GerardxEliza fiasco, and when the Personal Lives of the Band thread at INO.net was in its hay day. I remember the countless hours spent analyzing every little video, blog, and aim message with many fans, wondering if Gerard and Eliza were truly an item, and why Gerard was acting like an egotistical ass to some fans. I mean, 99% of it was speculation, and probably a little pathetic, but who cares! Then, around June, an "Anonymous" message appeared in the thread, apparently written by someone in the bad or close to the band. The whole thread ERUPTED into a frenzy. It was insane. At that point though, there was most definitely a split between fans. Some liked Eliza, others didn't, some had enough logic to know it wasn't any of our business what a rock star did with his penis. I saw this, and I got discouraged myself. So I wrote a fanficiton based around those events, and threw in a little frerard, since we can all agree that Frerard is and was awesome.

Now, I wrote that five years ago. I won't say it's my best work. There was definitely elementary grammar mistakes, cliches, etc etc...but there is something quite beautiful about it. I didn't care. And when I say I didn't care, I don't mean I didn't care about the story, because I did, but I didn't care how it sounded. I didn't TRY so hard to make it sound beautiful, I didn't try to use fancy words, or make sure every sentence sounded like a work of art. I wrote from the heart. I just wrote how "Frank" felt. Or how I felt. It was raw and unapologetic. It was probably one of my most amazing pieces. I wrote this before I had a boyfriend, and I see so much of myself in this characterization of Frank, it's scary almost.

I realize something. This is why I have been having so much trouble writing. It isn't that I am bad at it. No. It's because I am too focus on making it perfect and not making it real. When I re-read Anonymous, in all its erroneous glory, I fell in love with writing again. I just have to keep this feeling. I need to let go and just write.

A lot of you are new, and may not have read this story, or you probably don't like frerard, but if anyone is bored and wants something to read:Check it out :).
December 6th, 2012 at 09:51pm