Once again I present an utterly pointless blog post that I actually encourage you NOT to read. I mean, clearly I don't have a problem if you do because I'm making it easily accessible to the public- in fact I genuinely value interesting and thought provoking input- but honestly nothing of particular interest will be discussed in this post.
Anyway, the other day I made my first blog post on this site expressing a desire to create some piece of literary work. In fact the urge came quite suddenly, as if I was on a deadline, and it felt very pressing that I heed that gut instinct, as most would call it. So I did. I wrote and deleted and wrote some more for the majority of yesterday. I felt nothing. I felt no connection with my characters, no sense of their personalities or pasts- even appearances, which often come first, were blurry.
So I slept on it, like writers do. This morning I woke up newly inspired, sat down, and over the course of several hours, only completed roughly four paragraphs. FOUR. A whole day's work, and four paragraphs to show for it. Normally I would be discouraged and a little pissed off, but what I did happen to accomplish was the most detailed character analysis' I've ever conducted in my life. Emotional ticks, quirks, physical features, flaws, virtues, all colored in the outlines of my two main characters, and it was almost too easy. And then I realized that nearly every aspect of my characters, their personalities, their setting, their stories, were personal. Severely personal, in fact. All of the facts are different but there's truth in everything. I look back on my previous blog post and see that that's exactly what I wanted, something true.
I also feel a strong sense that these characters deserve to have their story told both accurately and eloquently. The fact of the matter is, I'm only sixteen-going-on-seventeen, and I'm a high school drop out at that. How am I supposed to live up to the nauseatingly high standards of not only myself but my characters? Especially my characters. I don't want to create another heard-it-before romance. In fact, I feel like it would severely cheapen everything and- and I'm just going a bit crazy.
I've also been exploring the spiritual side of life and can't help but wonder if this a journey I'm being pushed into. My center god is known for change, and I've been waiting for it, craving it, but doing nothing to initiate it. I'm not sure exactly, but I just feel like things are about to start happening, whether I want them to or not. Even if I don't write this story, I feel something coming.
I'm also sleep deprived and highly caffeinated, so I sound insane. Anyway that's all.
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