Confusion

It's strange how messed up feelings can be. One minute I'm happy and I'm enjoying life the next I feel like I'm crashing and everything around me is becoming dark and scary. I look at people and I can say honestly that no one is truly happy. No one even knows what complete happiness is.

Everything in my life says I should be happy. I'm in a good yet slightly confusing relationship. My bond with my grandparents and mother is good. My home is good. My money problems are getting better and most importantly I'm seeing Nathan on a weekly basis.

What is there in my life that could possibly be depressing me?

What is making me feel so alone and empty and desolate?

Why did I cry myself to sleep last night?

Why do I feel like crying now?

I wish I could talk to someone but really what would I say?
"Hey I'm sorry to bother you but I'm feeling sorry for myself and I was hoping you could help me?"
How pathetic is that!

I guess the only solution is to put on a brave face, act like nothing is wrong and continue living my life.

Can I do that? Can I make people believe I am okay? Can I survive?

Life is a game and I'm a girl gamer, surely somehow I can make this work.

Somehow.