How do I tell you you're tearing me apart?

How do I get the courage to tell you I'm tired of waiting on you. That it's been three months and you still haven't decided where I am in your life, or if I'm even apart of it. I'm pretty sure I'm not and whether I ever was, I guess I'll never know.

How do I explain to you how many tears I've shed, how many days I feel empty or disappointed when you don't text? How much it hurts to think that you'd rather ignore me than talk to me. I don't feel like I fit with you anymore.

And when you do finally text, you don't say much. It's like you text me when you're only bored instead of genuinely wanting to see how I am. How is that honestly fair? Don't you understand how much my heart breaks even further?

No. No you don't understand, and probably will never understand. Because I won't tell you. This is why I'm so shy to people, because when I actually do express my feelings, what happens? I get IGNORED. Like I never said anything at all, and if I'm even more honest, I regret ever telling you how I felt. Because I knew it would end up like this, me sitting here feeling how I look and it's not right.

It's simple, you don't want me how I want you. And that's fine, just let me be able to move on without you holding me back. Don't randomly text me and give me false hope, for I fall for it every time and I'm sick of it. I don't deserve to feel this way and be forced to remember all that took place from October 6th until now.

I tried. I really tried to show my worth and how I'd be good to you, but you probably didn't even care. Why? If you don't care, why are you keeping me around? Whatever it is, I can't be your prisoner. I need to wake up and realize you're not what I thought you were. I was obviously blinded but now I'm starting to see more clearly. It'll never work. Even if my heart won't accept it, my mind already has.

I'm not yours, I'll never be. Just know that one day soon, I won't intend to keep you in my thoughts. Maybe just maybe if I'm lucky, there will be someone else who wants to me. And maybe then you'll realize what you had. And the best part will be, it'll be way too late.

Maybe then you'll understand just how much you hurt me.

Oh and you were right, I don't know why I ever liked you.
December 10th, 2012 at 08:06pm