Christmas cheer or dread.

I've been thinking, like the ususal,

What could be worse than them moments where you just break down. Your body can no longer hold in anymore emotions and everything just pours out bit by bit.
Watching it happen to someone else.
Theres nothing you can do to help.
You can just see that the spark has vanished from their eyes and the hope has gone. Their movements are weak and emotionless. There is just nothing left in them, and then that last thing, tiny thing, makes them crack. Everything rushes out like a volcanic eruption, bubbling for a long time. Watching them fall apart before your very eyes. You love them so you want to help but it is simply impossible because you understand. You undertsand what it is like to feel like your whole world is falling apart. Whats the point.
You love this person, whether is be your mum, sister, lover, best friend. The impotant people. The ones you wish you could help, but you cannot. You cannot find the words, you feel helpless. All you can do is give the tightest hug, like you are never going to let go, in hope they find comfort.

Christmas is meant to be a happy time but keep in mind not for everyone. It has it's good and bad points, but the happy family role doesn't alway accur. Things are disfunctional. People are missing. People are breaking down. It drags you down. This weather drags you down. You just want to be happy and make all the ones around you happy. Make everything better but it is not always the case.
This next year i'm out to try make my family happy. I want to help us all get to to better places. I'm the strong one right at the moment. I have to keep everything together and I am trying the best I possibly can. If you just believe you can get through something you will.

Christmas is also a happy time, you family do get together in my case and through whatever we put that smile on our faces and appriciate that we have each other. So many of us need each other and we don't even realise it.

On a more positive note, it's my birthday soon, I guess I sort of see my birthday as another year that i've survived. It's like an achievment day. To be happy. I'm going to be happy this year.

I hope anyone who reads this and a wonderful,safe and happy Christmas. Appriciate what you have. Love what you have. It can be gone before you know it.

Silly.Old.Me.- The girl who's wondering.