I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough

My mom always keeps telling me, "Vicky, the only way your going to really remember anything later on in life is if you have it written down."

I love writing, but I get lazy...and I don't want to write in journal that I know everyone can read. My mom simply does not understand me. She sees something in me and says that I have a good heart and that she is sad that not everyone else sees that.

When I wake up in the morning I always look at myself in the mirror and most of the time i think 'Your an ugly bitch.' but there are those rare mornings I am like 'Hello beautiful! Today is going to be a good day.'

I always thought little of myself and I still do. I look at my friends and to be honest I envy them. They are skinny, are beautiful and they all have boyfriends. I havent had a boyfriend once. I haven't had my first kiss...I haven't even held a boys hand! I feel like I am never good enough.

I feel sad and sometimes depressed. I don't know what to do or how to even put hope in myself. I know I shouldn't be sad over these things, but i can't help but feel left out of the loop. I want to have these experiences before my sister so I can bethe one to teach her how to act on her first date and how to dress on her first date.

Can someone tell me what to do? Please? I just seriousl don't know what to do...