My Novel + Frustrations + My Dream

I don't know...I'm just so frustrated at the moment. There are points in the day when I feel like giving up this dream and just hoping that I can forget all about it.

Since I was 11 all I have wanted to do was write a novel...and everyone told me I couldn't do it. They told me that I would never amount to anything and that I would never be able to make my dream come true.

And I proved them wrong. I wrote a novel...though it wasn't a good one. I finished it when I as about 13 and I was PROUD of it. lol And then it was gone. My computer completely broke and my book was gone. Something I worked on for 2 years just gone like that.

I was so devastated. I felt like my dream of becoming an author one day was falling apart.

So I stopped writing for about a year and tried to move on from this dream. Well, that didn't work because I came back to writing and I haven't stopped since.

I have wanted nothing more than to write something great. Something that is good enough to be published.

And so this year I started working on a new novel. It's kind of a syfy-murder mystery. I'm not going to talk much about it, but I'm so happy that I'm doing it again. One day...I just wish one day when it's finished and I'm happy with it I'll get a deal and my dream will come true...

But a few days ago I learned that a 16 year old girl is getting a book published.

That's not what upsets me. I'm proud of her. Go her for this happening to her.

What upsets me is the plot. She wrote the book as a One Direction fan fic before changing the characters' names.

The plot is something along the lines of the girl moves in with her best friend and, coincidentally, runs into the band. They hang out and she finds out that 2 of them are in love with her.

Okay...I have no problem with 1D fan fics, obviously, as I write a majority of them here on mibba. What upsets me is that the plot is so unoriginal and boring.

I went through my phase when I started writing at 11 of coming up with that plot so many times. But I moved on from that. Most of my stories on here are of tragedy and pain and just original things that come to my mind.

Maybe I'm just jealous because something I've wanted for so long happened to someone just like that who is younger than me. I don't even know what I'm so frustrated since my novel isn't even finished yet.

I'm just upset. I feel like this dream I have is never going to come true...and it's because of my insecurities. I don't feel good enough to do anything to be proud of.

I just...I don't know.

I'm frustrated and I'm jealous.

Anyway, that's it for me. I'm going to take my jealousy and frustration out on my novel and continue to work on it. Maybe one day my dream will come true.

Happy writing!

-Laura