Rehabbin Day 16 And I'm Coming Back Strong .

How things went down on Friday and how confused I am lately has finally all came crashing down. My inner hippie is writing this today so if its a little confusing or vauge I'm terribly sorry. I'm on my high horse. Um so back to my story of being motivated to rehab strong once again. Um lets start with the Friday story, me and the ex have been really nice to each other lately, we keep joking about getting married (well not joking kinda joking, there I go not making sense.) and we hugged (mostly) he asked me what I wanted for Christmas (to embarrassed to say what I really wanted, a ring, any kind of ring from him. I wouldn't even care if it was plastic.) and we even took really cute photos from art class with us holding hands (see my photos) that photo always makes me smile. God I'm going to miss him so much over this long break from school. But yeah on Friday things got kinda different. Ever since he hugged me I've wanted to kiss him. I have no idea why I blame it on the inner goddess (yes I just made a fifty shades of grey connection, don't act like you never read it or thought about reading it. Take my advice, its worth reading! It makes me laugh and my skin tingle!) but I ultimately decided not to. Because a strange thing went through my head. He has phoebe. Bam just because its another girl I have a problem crossing that boundary because if he did choose me in the end then...i don't wanna do that because I know how it feels. And ever hear of the phrase if he will cheat with you then he will cheat on you? Yeah I believe that very strongly like I don't even take it as a joke because its something serious ya know? Yeah and I'm also Wiccan and us wiccans believe VERY heavily in karma. And Jimmy is a really really good boyfriend and he has never cheated on anyone I'm sure and even though he apparently (as quoted by Alyssa) that he would kiss me back, I don't wanna make him into a cheater. And yes if I was his girlfriend I would consider kissing another girl cheating. Not to mention hurtful. Dammit why do I care about hurting this girls feelings more than my own feelings? Maybe because since it happend to me and it hurt so bad I wanna prevent any girl from experience it no matter what I have to sacrifice? God it sounds like I'm in some sloppy floppy romance dollar store romance book. My love life is fucking crappy. Whatever I'm a hippie. Mary Jane keeps me happy. She's all I need to love. And she has enough love. But being with that boy is like...happiness. But the dog days are over. I'm stopping this before it gets out of hand. And before anyone of us in this sloppy floppy triangle gets hurt.