Bothered.

I always say the wrong thing, or I always say too little or too much.

I'm like a slightly unpleasant concoction; there's just a little subtle hint of something about me that people find adverse, and because it's so subtle, I forget that it's there. I'm really aware that people dislike me. It isn't an active dislike, and I don't really actively do anything to cause dislike. I'm just one of those people that you don't hate but would really rather not hang out with. I try to censor myself and try to think really self-consciously to pick out whatever this thing is, but it evades me.

And I feel really bad for my friends, family, and boyfriend who probably feel obligated to like me regardless. I feel bad for the people who are stuck with me for whatever reason.

I bother myself a lot. I wish I could be radically different. I wish I could carry myself differently and express my thoughts differently and have different values and priorities, look different, sound different, perceive differently. At times like now, there's not a single thing about myself that I like, and I can't change and it's so frustrating.