Things Have Changed So Much

The last time I had wrote in here was 2 years ago when I was still with Matthew. I am not with him anymore because I realized I wouldn't be able to spend the rest of my life with someone I couldn't stand some of the things he did and didn't do for me.

Recently I had been talking once again to my friend Jon. I have been friends with him since I was 12, so it would be 7 years. I continue to blame myself for the hurt he has gone through because I let him down a long time ago. I could of had a chance then if I would of known the person he really was, but I didn't. Him and I dated for a month. In every possible way I could think of he was perfect. It turned out to be that I was wrong. He went to a party where his ex was and she apparently went up and kissed him. He didn't stop her, only kissed her back. After that night he broke up with me. Told me he needed time to get things situated because he was possibly going to get kicked out for mistakes he did while in college. He told me that he doesn't want to talk to me for awhile and will get his shit back together by February. What hurt the most was when he said he thought he fell in love with me but he really didn't. How are you suppose to react when you find out the person you love doesn't love you back?

I don't know what I am going to be doing by the time he wants to talk to me again but I'm tired of waiting around for men. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I feel like a wreck on the inside because I've been torn to shreds.