Monsters

Have you ever been afraid of the dark? When the lights went out were you stuck by fear as hard as you might be by a blunt object, the force of it ringing in your ears and causing a burning sensation to build behind your eyes? Or was it not the dark that scared you at all, but the monster in your closet? Was it that force of evil that you knew watched you at night, peered with glowing yellow eyes through the cracks in your door that kept you awake, even though your parents insisted it was just your imagination?
I know I was afraid of something when I was young. Like most children, I had a nightlight. But I still had trouble sleeping sometimes. Maybe that’s because I wasn’t ever actually afraid of the dark. Maybe I was afraid of the monsters in my closet, under my bed, behind my pillow. Am I the only one whose heartbeat would sometimes be so loud that I mistook it for footsteps around me?
I know now that it can’t have been the dark that frightened me so deeply, that caused adrenaline to pump through my veins so that I was on edge until I was too exhausted to stay awake. Because I still get afraid at night. I still think that something is watching me. There is a reason I can’t have posters in my room; the eyes follow me. I know now it wasn’t the dark that scared me, because I sleep in the dark. My room is as dark as it can possibly get at night. The blinds are shut and all of my doors are closed.
I’m not the only one that feels this way. One of my friends even admitted that she keeps all of her doors open at night so she knows she can get out if something attacks her. But what am I afraid of? I don’t believe in vampires, werewolves, and other fantasy creatures. I’m not afraid that someone will break in our home. That’s what my friend's afraid of, not me.
I’m not trying to find ways to escape the monsters. My closet door always has to be shut. My bedroom door always has to be shut. I don’t want to know what’s behind those doors. I'm not worried about getting out, I'm worried about letting something in. It's some type of monster - whether figurative or literal I'm not sure. I just hope it doesn't follow me for the rest of my life. I'm tired of being scared at night.