Lately I've really been thinking about how antisocial I am. One of my goals for the new year is to branch out and meet new people. I've have the same two people in my life, one being my identical twin, and the other was our best friend for over ten years, we no longer speak to her. It makes me sad that the only people who really text me are my sister, my mom, and my dad. There is also that occasional twitter text, but just knowing that the only people who really want to talk to me are family members really makes me sad.
In high school I had all of these friends who would talk to me and we would hang out all the time, now that I go to a University in my state, they very rarely talk to me anymore. Mainly because they have jobs while I live in a different city just so I can continue on with my education. You may think that since I moved to a new city that I might actually have made new friends there, but the harsh reality is that I really haven't. I've made one or two somewhat close friends since I started college in the fall of 2011. The main reason is because the thought of talking to new people just terrifies me to no end. I'm always ready to go meet someone new, but the moment I actually gain enough courage to talk to them, I always end up second guessing myself thinking that they are never going to like me so I just never end up introducing myself.
When I was younger I never had trouble talking to people, I had so many people that wanted to come and hang out with me. Then when I was about eight or so, I started talking to these two girls. I thought they wanted to be my friend because they kept talking to me and we hung out during lunch and such. That didn't last too long because after a while when I went to go hang out with them, they kept running away from me and started laughing at me to the point to where I started crying and the teacher got involved. Ever since then I've been really weary of who I become friends with because I don't want them to "run away" like those girls did.
There are all of these people who go to the same University that I do that I find on tumblr and I would love to start getting to know them. The problem is, I'm terrified of being the first to "break the ice" and start talking to them. I mean, I could message them on anon or something, but I just can't find it in myself to do that. There is something about being an anon that makes me feel like I am hiding something and I just don't like that.
I desperately want to meet new people and become social again but I am absolutely terrified about it.
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