I apologize for my absence - nothing ever seems to go right with me.

Things have been quite rough lately, which is no excuse for me disappearing, but I must be honest with you - I really haven't thought about going on Mibba in a long while. Maybe it's because life has just been shitty, or maybe it's because I just didn't wanna go on here. Either way, I'm sorry I was gone, guys.

My life has just sucked total ASS the past couple weeks for a good solid month now, and I really...I've been a mess. A complete and utter mess. I feel like everything's falling apart and everybody's leaving me for one reason or another. For example, what happened last night, which turned me into a 5 year old again: sitting in my Mom's lap sobbing. The guy I really, really feel very strongly about, Chris, just told me he doesn't want to be with me because he's trying to take care of himself (We've been apart relationship-wise and physically banned from seeing each other for like 3 weeks and going now because of my Mom catching us 'in the act' in my living room). I understand that 110%, don't get me wrong. He's Autistic and has emotional issues as well; Chris is always doing things for others before doing for himself, which he is now trying to fix. That's not what I'm so damn hurt and angry about.

Chris told me that he's been doubting his love for me for the past 5 months and doesn't know if I'm good for him.

We were dating five months ago - which is what baffles me the most. He seemed so happy with me, and I was happy with him. I don't...I don't see what happened between us. I lost my VIRGINITY to him in October; we've been having intimate relations up until the banning from my parents. So if he was doubting everything, why did he go ahead and have sex with me? That's what really bothers me.

Another thing is that my Best Friend tired to kill herself and is battling with self-injury. She went to a hospital here in Michigan called Havenwyck, but I'd rather not go into too much detail - the whole situation is still rather raw. But if anybody can offer advice or comfort, I will go into a little bit more of specifics. NOt trying to grow a little pity party or grab attention, I just want some help. I used to hurt myself a LOT, and also have tried to kill myself, so I know what she's going through first-hand, but...I don't know how to handle it from the outside looking in, you know? It's hard to see someone going through something like this and you can't really do much. ;o;

If you read all of this bitching I've just done, you deserve a goddamn medal, trophy and a gold star. Legit, bro.