Addiction

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”

I just found this amazing quote and it made me think for a moment. The person who said it was right. I had recently got rid of the strongest addiction I thought I had- I had quit smoking. I had always thought- what could happen, it would be just one smoke, just one cigarette, just one pack. Of course we all know I lied to myself. It wasn’t just one drag; it was a god damn five year course of poisoning myself. I was young and freaking stupid. Although, I am still young, some things had changed, my thinking had changed. I decided I will quit smoking when I turn 18, I don’t even remember how I got the cigarettes when I was underage, how I got the alcohol, but somehow I always managed to put my fingers on the goddamn poison.

The past months that I lived in my 17, I had the permanent thought of quitting, but somehow I always ended up buying those damned coffin nails. It pissed me off. But I was even more pissed when I didn’t get the daily dose of nicotine.

Something changed. I changed. I haven’t laid my fingers on none of the smokes for the past two weeks and it’s a real achievement for me, since I was a pack a day this whole time. I guess I have a different addiction now, I have the addiction for this site, for mibba.com. When I think… When I lay my thoughts on the paper or more precisely, when I open Microsoft Word to write yet another chapter for my story, I manage to zone out completely. I don’t feel the need for the nicotine, cause, frankly, I smoked just because I was bored. When I write, my thoughts are somewhere else, away from craving the smoke. Though, I have to admit, every night when I go to sleep, I think of smoking, I remember the pleasures feeling (Some may know what I’m talking about) of taking a deep drag and blowing out a thick cloud of beautiful smoke.

I can honestly said, of all the ridiculous things I have done in my life, this was the most idiotic of them all. I know I won’t convince any of you otherwise, at least nobody could convince me, not the articles about how bad is smoking, nor true stories of people who suffer from cancer. I was just plain stubborn, but now… Now I understand the feeling of freedom, when you’re not attracted to the damn thing. I won’t lie, I feel the temptation every time a friend of my raises a cigarette to their lips, but…yes, there’s always a “but”, I know it will become easier with time.

Now I just have to rid of my addiction for chocolate…not.