I'm in an unhealthy relationship with my life.

People always say that unhealthy relationships are bad
now i won't object to that, because I'm one of those people.
Yet what do you do when your relationship with life is unhealthy!
I cant decide if I want to stay and work it out, like a crappy marriage.
It might mean lots of fights and bickering a few bottles of liquor,
a short stint of smoking, which will land me in the hospital.
Then a slow repair with a few set backs and maybe some rehab,
jail or time in an institution, but only if i go hard, most likely just therapy.
Then I'll be worn down, not a drop of fight left, but I stayed right?
Hopefully that will count for something, working it out is for the best.
It will make me wise and knowledgeable, and I will have won.
I mean that's the end result, I will keep living keep on this same path.
Life will continue and I will stay and survive and continue getting to know,
whatever path is set before me, until life gives me something to deal with.
No more choices or decision just the easy road a head and comfort in sanity.
Or i can leave divorce myself from this all, never look back except,
when the euphoria runs dry and I find myself in another crappy marriage to life,
who doesn't give a damn. I'll look back and how much greener,
the past seems will slap me across the face, but it will feel like a backhand
full of regret and desperation. I'm now on my third marriage,
since three is a thing tonight, and I can't help praying that
the third time will really be a charm, and my life won't end like this.
In a fit full of angst and raw feelings caused by lack of sleep and men,
I'm forced to make decisions on what i want to happen to me
in this crazy thing all these insane people keep calling life.
It's just an unhealthy relationship, more like polygamy or a trinity
with me and life and my conscious, or is it my inner mind,
is there even a difference? I'm in an unhealthy relationship.