I hate myself lol

I hate myself. Like everything about myself and everything everyone ever thinks about me. I hate my family. I hate my life majority of the time.

Not long ago I was so good at hiding all this, I could be the most positive person and always view everything as the glass being half full. Now all I do is cry and bitch and moan about everything. Everything is falling apart though. Everything that I thought was unbearable a few months ago is getting ten times worse and I just can't fucking handle it. I thought getting away from my mom and cutting her out of my life completely would be enough but it's not and I'm beginning to think that nothing ever will be.

I used to always focus on things that I liked about myself but now I can't think of anything. I hate my attitude, I hate how I look, I hate my body, I hate my voice, I hate my scars, I hate how hateful I've become, and I hate that I can't change any of this. I try so fucking hard and nothing makes me feel any better. I can't fake being a happy fuck when I'm so miserable. Not anymore at least. I've run out of the energy to do that.

I feel so stupid blogging about this too as if it's going to do anything lol. I just feel like someone needs to know even if no one does read this. It sort of makes me feel better.

x