Shit. Shit. Shit. I don’t even know why I still bother to talk to you, or to try to talk to you. I always wonder what goes through your mind when you see that I sent you a message. Does it make you happy? Bored? Annoyed? I bet you get annoyed. Really annoyed. If it wasn’t that way why wouldn’t you answer me? It hurts, you know? Knowing that you see that I spoke to you but still you make no effort to give me a reply. It fucking hurts and somehow that makes me anger. Not with you, but with myself, because I feel like I’m wasting my time with you. I feel stupid and ridiculous for still believing that you’ll eventually be happy to talk to me. I keep telling myself that I should fight for you no matter what, that I won’t give up on you at the first barrier, but as time goes by I start thinking that maybe the right thing to do is to stop. Stop right now before I hurt myself even more. But I can’t wrap my mind around that. I really love you. I mean, I don’t know if it’s true love, but I do like you a lot. I like you so much. Too much, perhaps. And I can’t fucking stop it. I can’t stop loving you. I just can’t. I’m way too deep now.
Why are you so mean to me? Are you really that tired of me? So tired you can’t answer me? I don’t ask much. All I want is a bit of your attention, no more than a friend. I just want to be your friend right now, to gain your trust. I’m a good person, really. And I care about you. Why can’t you see that?
I don’t know if I can handle this much longer. I don’t understand you. Sometimes it looks like you enjoy talking to me, but there are other times that I feel like you’re only talking to me because you have to. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to talk to me for mere obligation. If that happens I’d rather not having you speaking at all. So stop. Stop doing that. Stop giving me false hopes. I know you have no idea of what’s going on with my feelings for you right now, but I’m begging you to, please, just please, stop.
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